Once again I’m continuing to share new writings from this year. My journey in 2018 has been fraught with complications and many days I have found myself questioning virtually everything. This poem is also from one of those days and could be the most vulnerable that I have posted here.

I’ve avoided the page
Though I’m not quite sure why
As things are in disarray
And I’m trying to reevaluate

Friends are disappointing
My social life non-existent
And I’m beginning to question
Whether I still want to be here

My life has been full
With tremendous ups and downs
A slew of relationships
But nothing like I’ve experienced here

Petty jealousies
Middle-aged middle schoolers
And fair weather friends
Lead me to question Paradise

Then again it could be me
For I’ve aged where doing so
Places me oddly on the outs
And uncomfortable with others

Being here has given me the opportunity
To grow as a person and author
And I’ve spoken of that growth
In five volumes of poetry

Yet in the relationships I’ve written about
Each was ended by the other
And each time I had been caught unaware
Despite the signs I refused to acknowledge

So naturally I am somewhat gun-shy
Hoping she is out there
But knowing also
That I am not the man I once was

I will continue to be patient
As I accept my lot
Hopeful yet understanding
That I cannot stand still