Today’s blog takes me back to Book 4, Testing Love, written in 2015. Once again the photo is courtesy of Sandy Spindler (#sandyspindler)
I’VE MISSED YOU 
In the tumult of our lives
With work overwhelming
And compulsion reigning
I’ve missed you
On mornings without you
Sipping my coffee
While absorbing my words
I’ve missed you
On days spent at home
Working and dreaming
While you’ve redirected
I’ve missed you
On evenings spent apart
When I’m out with others
And you’re gathering family
I’ve missed you
When I’m ready to sleep
Without you beside me
In the loneliness of night
I’ve missed you
Even times we’re together
When you seem elsewhere
Distracted and afraid
I’ve missed you
In my times of confusion
When I need you there
To help me move forward
I’ve missed you
Though I know it is part
Of the journey we are on
To create our destiny
I’ve missed you
But I’m forever grateful
For the moments I’ve missed you
As they only remind me
Of how much I love you
FOR ANGIE 
I lost someone this week
Who helped me through difficult times
But refused to let me
Help her through hers
A small group gathered last night
To hold each other and say goodbye
Which is something she didn’t want
But somehow I know she would have approved
And then again for me
After months of exclusion
I understood that I belonged
Knowing that she had always cared
A troubling few days
Coping with her death
And seeing how
It has profoundly affected me
At peace now leaving a legacy
Of beauty and love
In the hearts and minds
Of all she touched
I’m sharing this beautiful photo taken by my friend Gail Turner with a few poems I’ve written that actually rhyme.
Figuring it all out
And knowing what to do
To dispel all the doubt
That the damaged go through
I am not in it for sex
Or playing any game
It’s really not that complex
For we often are the same
I’m looking for a friend
To share time and space
And I needn’t defend
For this is a positive place
I have no desire to smother you
Only to share an adventure
Find another to mother you
For we have times ahead to treasure
**************************
She arrived unexpected
With style and grace
Catching me off guard
Unsure of my place
Over time we have connected
Though the agenda is unclear
But it’s beginning to feel right
So I’ll proceed without fear
****************************
Finally out together
Learning who we are
Celebrating her sale
With dinner near the bar
Ending perfectly
With a sweet goodnight
Then still feeling her hug
As I turned out the light
Thank you, Jeanie Crenshaw, for a photo which perfectly captures these sentiments.
It’s been three years 
Since we last touched
Yet I still miss her
Terribly
No one before or since
Was capable or willing to love me
In the way that she did
Or comfort me in the way that I needed it
No one before or since
Became my partner and lover
As we helped each other
Reach plateaus not imagined
She dominates my dreams
And I think of her daily
Only with the warmth
Reserved for those now gone
Much has happened since
Illness and aging
Growing and learning
And now the tragedy of another
I will keep her within me forever
Not hoping to reconcile
But hoping one day we may find the time
To catch up
Today’s poem, “Questioning Love” is from my last book “Learning to Live Again, 2017” and its words, written in June of 2017 continue to ring true.
I know
That life is about love and fear
And right now I live in fear
While questioning love
So I need to understand love
In ways I haven’t really explored
Even though I had learned to love again
And found a love that still inhabits me
I have always looked at love
As a physical, passionate state
And that is missing right now
And possibly from now on
Sexuality played a big role
And that too does not always exist
Except within me and unavailable
To others
I need the touch of someone I love
As I stroke her hair
Kiss her gently
And take her softly to me
I had it
Lost it
And continue to suffer
Without it
Is learning to live again
Learning to live without love
Or learning to redefine love
In the age of the aged
I haven’t given up
I just don’t know
But I’m completely open
To the answers
